FIRST BLOG - NOT THE SUBJECT I WOULD HAVE CHOSEN, BUT LIFE IS WHAT IT IS
22 December 2018
Dave and I are rushing around, preparing for the day’s safari. We have eight guests at a lodge, excitedly chomping their breakfast, full of anticipation for a day in the park with us. Three hours later, Dave is declared deceased from a blood clot. And so my life changed forever in an instant….
Kakuli Safaris is still going strong, I now have a full-time guide handling the safaris, while I concentrate on running the business, studying photography and painting my heart out. I’m happy again, very confident and successfully handling my new life. I see my business growing and am at peace knowing that I’m fully independent.
March 2020 -
There’s a monster in our midst. It reared its ugly head in Wuhan, but very quickly spread its ugly saliva throughout the world. And so my life changed yet again in what I can only describe as an extended 'Dark night of the Soul'. Lockdown took away my precious business and my independence. For the first time since I lost Dave, I am afraid of the future. I have no idea what lies ahead, nor what the universe wants me to do with this uncertainty. I am a firm believer that doors close for a reason, one that we never see at the time, but it never closes without other doors opening. Usually, being an Aries, I would have bounced back with a new plan very quickly, but lockdown restrictions seem to place a huge red tape across every door I think I’ve found. It’s frustrating! It eats at one’s confidence and there are moments, I have to admit, where I’m reduced to staring at the wall with tears running down my face. Thankfully, I’m not one to give in or sink into depression. When those moments hit me, I allow them to take control, I cry and let it out. I allow the vulnerability and fear to flow through me, then I head into nature, somewhere quiet, picture her sucking it all up and sending a powerful white light through me, lifting me back up to where I should be. I feel stronger, hopeful and determined to get back up and fight.
I take comfort in knowing that I’m not in this alone, even if I don’t have a partner to lean on or talk to, there are millions more like me, some far worse off. I think it’s very important for us to embrace the negative emotions, let them out, then stand up and look forward with hope. Now that we are down to level III lockdown, we are allowed back into the game reserves and have a little more freedom. That, in itself has been a saving grace. I am able to return to my happy place, sit with the elephants at a waterhole, feel the peace drift through me, even if I am alone right now.
For those who follow planetary alignments and how they affect us energetically, will know what a tough time we are in for. We have so many planets in retrograde, three eclipses in one month and many things are coming to a conclusion. It’s almost as if the earth is being reset. During this time, we will collectively go through challenges, deep emotions, some will feel completely reborn by the time this is over. Sounds rather freaky, I know, but google is your friend. 😊
So where to from here? Hell, I don’t know, I’m going with the flow while I ponder. Yes, it’s scary, but one thing I do know, I won’t give up and I am African - tough, resilient and very, very stubborn. We will get up again, we will survive this monster and negativity. All I can suggest, is that we use this limbo time to rethink our lives. See where things need to be changed, let go of things or people that are not for our greater good or don’t bring us the happiness we deserve, think about what we really and truly want out of life. And please remember, life is short - choose whatever it is that makes you incredibly happy. That’s why we are here - money isn’t everything - living is!!!